"My Dzieci z dworca Zoo"

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By Katrina Holgate Miller, PhD
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Starting From Ground Zero
Maria noticed, while in the hospital, that she was not as alone as she thought she was. She had kids—and she had kith. Certainly,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Maria missed the more intimate relationship she had enjoyed with her husband. She was resolved to build more intimate relationships, but that would take time. Until then, she would concentrate her efforts on building relationships with her kids and her kith. Tending to her small community of relationships became the most important thing she did every day.
She thought about what had, in the past, stopped her from reaching out as much as she needed to. The immediate answers were “time” and “not knowing how to start”. “There are ways,” she told herself, “that I can work around these barriers.” Nurturing kith, she realized, was as much of a reward as it was a responsibility. Maybe tending this responsibility could help her feel more alive. She had the will to restructure her life to make her relationships the focal point.
Appreciating her kith was not new to her—but she had never taken the time to express her gratitude. She decided that from that time forward, she would not keep the good things she thought about her kith to herself—she would seek out the person she had positive thoughts about and let them know.
Shortly after Jorge’s death, Maria started having stomach pain. She ordinarily would have talked to Jorge about it,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but he was gone. She figured the stomach pain was due to grief. And besides, who would watch the kids when she went to the doctor? Two months after Jorge’s death, Maria’s appendix ruptured,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and she became violently ill at work.
Author&#039,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];s Bio:&nbsp,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
Do you have kith,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]?
Maria was so appreciative that her kith filled in the gap left by Jorge’s death during the week she was in the hospital. She wrote letters of appreciation to everyone who helped: Her coworker picked the children up from school and kept them in her home while Marie was gone; her neighbor who picked up her mail and mowed her lawn; the friends and coworkers who came during visiting hours to brighten her day. Maria read each letter out loud to the recipients of her letters. She choked up a little when she shared her deep feelings of appreciation; but her kith did not seem to mind,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
When Jorge died, Maria had no one. Not only had she lost her husband of thirteen years,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but she lost only support; her only confidant.
Just as we may not be aware of our big toe,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], until it hurts—we may not be aware of our dependence on our kith—until we hurt. That is what happened to Maria—and it changed how she related to neighbors and friends for the rest of her life.
Building a System to Identify Opportunities to Connect
Katrina
To simply the amount of work it would take to contact kith, she spent an evening listing the names, phone numbers, addresses, and e-mail addresses of her kith her computer and syncing it to her cell phone. She also set up a card file to keep track of the small details that would help identify opportunities to connect with kith and where to start: Birthdays, names of children, interests, and small details of conversations with her kith.
Soon, people began to talk about how much they appreciated Maria’s thoughtfulness. By putting some thought and effort into the relationships she already had, she felt her life expand from the inside outward as she nurtured and was nurtured by her kith.
Your need your kith and your kith need you. Human beings necessarily depend on each other. As John Donne said, “No man is an island.”
Before she went to bed each night, she updated her file system with what she had learned about her kith during the day. This practice gave her a good starting point when she reengaged the person the next time.
Maria noticed that the intense stomach pain would not go away before she left for work that morning. By lunchtime she was doubled over, heaving in her garbage can. Her supervisor called “911”,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and Maria was quickly transported to the hospital. Marie’s major concern, before the ambulance took her away, was about who would watch the children when they came home from school.
She spent at least an hour a day relating to a person or persons in her kith. Phone calls, sharing lunch or break time, going on walks—she found many ways of including others in her life.
Suddenly, others needed to be involved in her life. The network of persons that she brushed by daily, but did not interact with much—all became aware of how very alone Maria was: Her colleagues at work, the school, her neighbors,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], and the people in her church. Everyone pitched in during the week she was in the hospital. But they could not organize the support system necessary to meet Maria’s ongoing needs—only she could do that for herself.
Dictionary.com defines “kith” as “acquaintances, friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], neighbors, or the like; persons living in the same general locality and forming a more or less cohesive group.”
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Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values, skills, talents, interests and “heart”. This is the beauty you present to the world. Leave all your negative thoughts behind at home.

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And to focus on that list every day for a minute or two a day. What this does is it sends out a positive vibration from the son to the dad. Over time (sometimes immediately) the dad will pick up on these positive vibrations and reciprocate in kind to the son. This new way of thinking also stops the son’s previous negative cycle of thinking from occurring. For instance, before the son might have thought,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], “My Dad’s an asshole”. The dad, being influenced by these negative vibrations from the son, begins to act like an ass. This behavior reinforces the son’s previous thinking “See, I knew he was an asshole” and the cycle continues.
So try it out in your own life. If there is anyone out there you hate right now, write out: “10 Things I Like About (insert name)” and list ten qualities about them. Often times you’ll find that the things you don’t like about others are really areas that you need to heal within yourself. As you let go of those past hurts you’ll find your life much more enjoyable and peaceful. Also, an easy way to let go of any resentment towards others is to ask yourself, “What is it about this other person that I don’t like?” Let’s say the answer that comes up is “He talks too much”. It might simply be that you wish to talk more and that is why you don’t like this other person.
I was inspired to do this writing after a friend of mine kept complaining about his father. I told him to grab a pen and paper and write out:
“10 Things I Like About My Dad&#8221,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych];
By the way I know some people are going to say “But Gary was overweight. Shouldn’t Jim have said something?” There is a difference between giving constructive advice and getting downright upset with someone. Also, Gary at this time was/is working really hard to get his weight under control.
By TonyTellsAll.com
See all Articles by Tony TellsSee Tony Tells's Expert PageGet Updates on Relationship AdviceGet Updates on Tony Tells Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
I’ll give an example of this. I have a friend named Jim who was always getting worked up,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], to the point of being REALLY upset,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], about his friend Gary being overweight. I asked Jim one day why Gary’s weight bothers him so much and he replied: “It just bothers me that he doesn’t want to take care of himself”. I told him that oftentimes what we don’t like about others is what we don’t like about ourselves. He replied with “But I’m not overweight”. I asked him “Well maybe you want to get into shape?” To which Jim replied “Yeah, I really want to start taking better care of myself. I smoke too much, am stressed out all the time…” and more. The point being is that Jim didn’t like about Gary what he didn’t like about himself. Once he was able to come to that realization,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], he no longer had an issue with Gary’s weight.
As the son is not thinking so negatively about his father anymore, it will positively influence other areas of his life. Remember,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], for every amount of energy put out a like amount must be taken on. As the son has now replaced a portion of his former negative life with positive energy, he can expect to reap the rewards of this new way of thinking.
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By the way, you can also use this to strengthen your relationships. Let’s say you want to appreciate your wife more. You can write out; “Ten Things I Am Grateful for about My Wife” or “Ten Things I Love About My Wife”. By the way you don’t have to write just ten. Write as many as you like. As you focus and put out these positive vibrations, your wife will begin to respond in kind. This same process also works for virtually anything; work,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], exercise,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], dating, and more. So try it out! And start seeing the magic of thinking positively.
Now with this new way of thinking a few other things are happening as well. As the son is continuously focusing on this new positive image of his dad, over time this new image will form a concept in the son’s subconscious mind. The son will literally begin to believe that his Dad is this new person. In response to this new image, the son will think more positively and take more positive actions in regard to his father. His dad,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], being influenced by these new actions and thoughts,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], will over time begin to think and act more positively towards his son.
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In our relationship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], we’ve found that it’s always best to deal with any anger that comes up right away. In the past Otto would always let resentments build and build until they got out of control. Then he would just explode and end up saying things he would end up regretting later. In his past relationships it wasn’t safe for him to express his true feelings. Susie was taught that you should always be nice and there was no place for anger. Her parents were never openly angry with one another. Angry feelings to her meant something was wrong with her. Because she repressed her feelings, she found them overwhelming and was not able to express what she was experiencing.
The lesson we learned is that a foundation of safety and trust in the relationship must be present to express or listen to anger from love instead of fear,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych].
In this society anger is perceived as a negative emotion. If you are a person who expresses anger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], society would tell you that you are someone who can’t control your emotions and can’t control your behavior. Most of us suppress anger and deny it exists until it rears its ugly head.
All emotional feelings are signals that there is something in your life that needs to be dealt with and anger is one of those emotions. When anger comes up,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it is a signal that something in your life is out of balance and incongruent with how you believe your world should be. When anger comes up in our relationship, we want to get to the root of the problem and find out what’s really going on.
What we have found helpful is to open up a dialog and just allow the person who is angry to express how and why. When you are angry,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you need to take responsibility for it and not project it onto someone else. Use “I?statements and be specific,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], such as “I am really upset about about you leaving your socks on the floor?instead of “You are such a slob!?
Reacting quickly and honestly to angry emotions bypasses the tendency of periodic explosions and tends to “clear the air?much like a spring rain. When you defuse anger,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you’ll be able to bring back the connection and love that you’ve lost in that moment. Susan has learned not to run away from angry feelings but that it is safe to express them when they appear. Otto has found that when he expresses anger, he is able to move past the anger and discover what he is really upset about.
In relationship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], Anger can be either healthy or unhealthy. Anger is just an emotion. How you process it is what determines whether it becomes a tool for growth or a source of pain and destruction.
By Susie and Otto Collins
See all Articles by Get Updates on DatingGet Updates on Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet
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The partner’s job is to listen in a detached,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], non-judgmental way. If this sounds like a lot of work, you’re right. This process takes trust and practice but the reward is a relationship,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], which is free of resentments.
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Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values, skills, talents, interests and “heart”. This is the beauty you present to the world. Leave all your negative thoughts behind at home.

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Success is a result of your actions. Your actions are the results of the constant choices you make. The choices you make are the results of the thoughts you have. The thoughts you have stem from the quality of mind you possess. That quality depends greatly on how well nourished it is. The majority of people want to jump straight to attaining success but forget to nourish their mind. To achieve success in life, whatever it means to you on a personal or professional basis, you need to seek to attain a winning mind.
At a time of crisis, I see a great deal of raw talent in the Middle East that would benefit immensely from working on attaining a winning mind. The organisations and individuals who will embrace it will become the champions of tomorrow. When everyone is going for cover, those individuals and organisations that posses a winning mind will rise above the rest. They will be able to shift smartly, smoothly, sooner and with much greater confidence. They will be the ones ready to enjoy the fruits of an upturn. Any winning organisation knows that their most important asset is their people. And what is the most important asset for each one of those individuals? It is their mind. Ensuring that the mind of your people is nourished is no longer an option, it is a must. Apart from the financial crisis which inherently affected everyone in some shape or form, we are facing a more horrendous crisis and that is a psychological one.
Message: Take control. Don't let things happen, learn to make it happen.
Message: The only time when you truly fail is if you quit.
People want change in their lives and are hoping it would come in from the outside.
Message: Be open to ideas and suggestions from the right people to help advance in the game you are playing. Constantly learn and grow.
I want to make a positive difference in the lives of people by unlocking their true potential. My vision is to inspire people to attain a winning mind. Over the years I always pondered what separated the successful lucky few from the masses? I wanted to know what separated winners from losers. When the majority attributed it to luck and being at the right place at the right time, I knew there was more to it. I was hungry to know the answers and would not back down in my search. I wanted to know what made those select few do well in any chosen aspect of their life, their sport, jobs or business.
Constantly learn and grow. Successful people know that they will never know it all. If they were to become complacent, the people around them who are constantly growing would soon overtake them.
Author's Bio:
Over the years, I realised that life is a game and, unfortunately, there are many who don't know the rules of the game. As a result, many wonder why they are unhappy, unsatisfied and as a result inefficient. This is costing organisations a premium price and on an individual basis, people are paying the ultimate price - their life.
Successful people are persistent. The majority of people stop at the early stages of resistance. That's why they stop growing. Successful people understand that if they are not faced with resistance of some sort, then they are not growing. Learn to outlast the resistance.
My findings were then distilled into what I refer to as Secret Weapons in my books.
Most people associate winning with the destination they have in mind when in actual fact, winning is a sense of being. Winning is not about arriving at your destination, it is about how you feel today, as you are reading this article. A winning mind never loses,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], it only learns. So even on the face of it, your business may have been affected by the crisis,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you may have just broken up from a long-term relationship, you may have got to the Olympics but did not get a medal or you could have unexpectedly been made redundant. A winning mind learns, moves forward and asks the question,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], 'Where is the opportunity in this situation?' There is no real loss when you think like a winning mind.
When I ask most people 'what do you see with?' The majority respond with the simple answer, 'my eyes'. Yet the reality is that we don't see with our eyes. We see through our eyes. What we see with is our mind. The obstacle to overcome is the realisation that it is not what we see, it is how we see it. Once you realise this,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], you will value the importance of having a winning mind.
All we have to do is look at the state of people right now and there you will see the answers. I see and speak to a lot of people on a daily basis. Very few are truly utilising the resources available to them. Most people are fearful. Most people are holding back, most people are not trusting their instinct. Most people are driven by limiting beliefs.
Although many never plan to fail,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], they fail to plan the route ahead. They fail to plan their roadmap, their strategy in order to win the game. By failing to plan they have,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], with complete intention,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], planned to fail.
Kevin's secret weapons' and how to use them
Successful people take control of their life. They don't just take control when the times are good. They take control all the time. If something good happens in their life, they know it is because of their direct efforts and actions. In contrast, if things don't go as planned, they know that the ?nger points only at them.
Along with complacency, fear and limiting beliefs,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], the challenge I find with most people is not in the lack of knowledge, but their application of knowledge. Just because you have learnt new information does not result in you seeing changes. You must start applying the information diligently, i.e. you take action.
Message: Results are everything. What are your results saying about you?
The world we live in is a world that is constantly evolving. If you are not evolving your mind in a winning way,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], being open to change, accepting it and adapting to it, then you will be left behind. Period.
So how would you define success?
In my book Winning The Game Of Life, I share 19 secret weapons that separate successful people from the masses. Most people attribute success to luck. I am a big believer of luck but I do remember a wise man once saying, LUCK stands for Labouring Under Correct Knowledge. Gone are the days when working hard was the answer, we live in a world where you must practise having a winning mind for your results to stand out. Those with a winning mind will stand the test of time.
Successful people have an orientation for the outcome. They are result-orientated. Everything is based on results. Not the resources spent on something, not the time taken, not how much energy was put into something. None of that. It is simply all about the results.
What are the major factors that stop people from getting what they want?
Imagine being able to have a workforce where your people are not sitting around waiting for the next command. Imagine being able to have a workforce that is made up of leaders who lead from within, have a vision aligned with your organisation, make decisions when needed and take accountability for what they do. Imagine a work force void of blame, denial and excuses. As a manager or CEO, how much would that be worth to you?
To achieve success, you can learn, understand and apply certain timeless truths. Success is not by chance, it is a science.
How does your work help businesses and individuals?
What inspired you to write your motivational books?
Change begins from the inside out, it begins in the mind.
Success means different things to different people. Success is not a race with anyone; it isabout being the best that you can be. Life is a game and we are playing different games in life. Winning is achieving success in whatever way that is important to you. For some winning is having a successful business, for others it may be their relationships. For some it could be having the job they have always dreamed of, and for others, it is qualifying for the Olympics. Success and winning are measured by each individual based on the values that is of importance to them.
No matter who you are, you have a mind, and it constantly needs to be nourished. You feed your body with food, you fill your car with fuel, you clean your clothes on a regular basis, yet most neglect their mind. The reason I call it mind nutrition is because that is exactly what is needed,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], nourishment to turn an ordinary mind into what I call a winning mind.
What kind of nutrition does the mind need to succeed?
Message: The next five years will only be different to the last five years if you plan it.
How can you expect to increase your sales? How can you expect to increase leadership? How can you expect to increase productivity and therefore your bottom line without working on the most important asset any organisation has, its people. Embracing a winning mind is not only something that is deemed as a positive social responsibility for organisations,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], but also one with infinite long-term rewards. If one tip could inspire your team, if one tip could result in a team to take more ownership, if one tip could help align your people with your organisation's vision then again, my question to you is,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], what is that worth to you as a manager or CEO?
By Kevin Abdulrahman 'The Man Inspiring Millions'
See all Articles by Kevin AbdulrahmanSee Kevin Abdulrahman's Expert PageGet Updates on Brain EnhancementGet Updates on Kevin Abdulrahman Average: 0 Your rating: None Tweet 相关的主题文章:

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Think about your wonderful attributes and not your faults. Take an inventory of your values, skills, talents, interests and “heart”. This is the beauty you present to the world. Leave all your negative thoughts behind at home.

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The fantasy epic "Lord of the Rings" topped the one million mark nationwide Sunday six days after its release. The current record holder for breaking one million viewers in the shortest time is five days set by a domestic comedy film "My Wife Is a Gangster,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," which opened on the Chuseok Thanksgiving holiday last year,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], followed by hit film noir "Friends,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych]," tied with "Lord of the Rings" at six days. Despite only being able to have four showings a day,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], due to a running time exceeding three hours,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], domestic distributor Cinema Service said that the film performed impressively,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], almost breaking the record,[link widoczny dla zalogowanych], with over 97% of seats filled on weekend showings.
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Making the call
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